Five Years – Over and Out

I returned to acting in 2013 after a gap of 27 years. Ridiculous, right? That was definitely my thought process on the way to my first audition, held in the Music Room of an East Vancouver High School. It was raining, despite it being May, and the grey clouds - and institutional look of the building - only heightened my sense of self-ridicule. So, why did I do it? Because I had asked myself a question when my life reached a wonderful bench-mark, and I had the ability to listen to the answer: ‘Given the choice, what would you want to do with yourself for the rest of your life?” The answer was easy – I would act.

I had spent three years of my early twenties studying Acting in the English Weekly Repertory Theatrical system, but life had gotten in the way, and I never had the opportunity to do anything with my education – professionally, that is. I have frequently relied on my training, stage-craft and memory in the preceding quarter-century plus, but had never earned any money from my three years education. Now was my chance, and I knew that I had a small window of opportunity to see if those three years (among the happiest I have ever known.) was going to have some kind of ‘payback’.

Amazingly to me, I got the part five years ago, and there haven’t been many stage auditions that I have failed at since. On average, I featured in two stage productions a year since then, and have played some great roles in incredible plays with some wonderfully talented people. Of course, I hardly ever got paid for it, more than an honorarium, but the pride I felt in actually doing this was incalculable. Finding a production, prepping for a successful audition, and keeping my middle-aged brain and emotions together long enough to pull off the stage work for a short run actually made me think that I could actually make a living doing this, and that in itself was worth the loss of salary – for a while.

The Father in Fool For Love regretting a life and having to deal with children making a too-bold choice. The frightened and tragic Hermit, Skelly in The Rimers of Eldritch. The one-armed Psychopath, Carmichael in A Behanding in Spokane, a middle-aged, love-struck Malvolio, and the relentless and pious Porfiry in Crime and Punishment will stay with me forever, and I am proud of the work I had done to get there in every case. But it was Movies and TV that I wanted.

Starting in free roles for Vancouver Film School projects, and being lucky enough to get Background roles in huge Hollywood hits during a very busy summer allowed me to learn about how movie shoots worked, and when I got to dramatic reconstruction shows like Untold Stories of the E.R., I never embarrassed myself. Then came Hallmark movie roles, location work, paid work, and ‘professional status’ as a union member. Everything was moving along nicely. In fact, in 2016, I actually earned above the poverty-level for the first time and was convinced that this was the springboard to ‘the rest of my up-swinging career.’

Always the goal-oriented type, I was striving to fill the page of my Resume and by January 2017, I had two different CV’s covering Theatre, Film & TV, and Voice work. Then it all stopped.

Why? Lots of reasons, I guess. I was due for a bad year after my mammoth 2016, but I also lost my part-time day job at the same time and for the next six months survived by adding debt to our house. In a ‘cold light of day’ moment, I started applying for Full-Time work back in reality, and promised that whatever came up first, I would stick to. My Wife had to go without a lot in order to support me during this ‘middle-aged crisis’ of mine, and she required some reward.

In successive days of January this year, I filmed a single scene for a TV movie and had an interview in ‘the real world’, and made a good job of both. Keeping my promise, I have decided to return to full time work. As I have always told younger actors in the last few years, acting as a passion is wonderful, but Acting for a living isn’t the same thing, and I have failed at the latter.

I have decided to keep my Union membership viable, and my other memberships open I case there is a time when I can return to the stage – perhaps in retirement – but I am in a quandary about this, because I can’t do any more unpaid theatre as a Union member, and these roles were the best work I had done. The work available in Vancouver on Film and TV – even in this ‘golden Netflix age’ - isn’t enough to fulfill me either financially or emotionally, but that hasn’t changed since I left Drama School in 1984 – some things about ‘the business’ never do.

Vancouver isn’t a big, professional Theatre town, because there simply isn’t the audience to sustain it. The trade-off for having a lot of American TV and Movie work in town means that there isn’t the space for many other professional acting jobs that may mean something other than the usual one-line, one-scene jobs as ‘Doorman’ or ‘Doctor’ that give one exposure, but nothing else above a few hundred dollars – and who cares about ‘exposure’- certainly not the people that will pay you to act in larger, more challenging roles, not in this satellite-town to Hollywood: In other words, the same obstacles that over a century of actors all across the Globe have had to deal with.

So, it’s back to the morning and evening commutes, the weekends full of housework and some money to actually enjoy some different reward vacations, but Oh My I already miss the fear, the panic, the razor-sharp sense of being alive, of actually inventing someone else with your face, but is a completely different person in every other aspect of their lives – from their dress to their beliefs. I had five great years, and the ride has stopped.

I mentioned my long-suffering wife above, and here are some more people that I couldn’t have followed this small-scale dream without: My agent, casting directors, directors, and all of the talented professionals and committed enthusiasts in front of the camera and theatre sets, and those behind. For my personal friends that supported me onstage (sometimes, undoubtedly in productions they didn’t have much interest in.) and made me feel so special. For everyone that gave me a lift, fetched me coffee when I needed it, and punted me smokes when I ran short.

Thanks to everyone, and that’s it.